Food for Me has banned politicians Tony Abbott and Julia Gillard. Both wanted to make policy announcements at the East Victoria Park hotspot. In a shock announcement, a Food for Me spokesman (known only as 'Kevin'), said "no."

"We just can't have those two in the kitchen. Mr Abbott reckons Jules will be throwing kitchen sinks at him. And we know what she's like with a knife on her own colleagues - so imagine what she'd do to an opponent! And his talk of a dirty campaign is even more concerning - the kitchen is a place for hygiene, not for this sort of thing!"

"However I think some wholesome, healthy meals might do them both a lot of good. I reckon the gluten-free Beef rendang would help Jules' complexion. And I think the gluten-free Kaffir lime and lemongrass chicken may have a calming influence on Tony."